By Jason Adams, Beehive blogger

Jason Adams here at the front-end of Memorial Day weekend with this week’s big movie junk.

The two big movies opening this weekend are being sold as a sort of His & Hers pair of distinct, Martian Men Venusian Women opposites, but I think they’ve got lot more in common than that sexual dichotomy suggests on the surface. The “His” being Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time, Jake Gyllenhaal’s big-budget sword-and-sandals (sans sandals – if you google “Jake Gyllenhaal sandals” you’ll find Mr. Gyllenhaal laid down a very firm No Sandals decree, thus ensuring speculation for the remainder of his life upon the horrific state of his bunions) epic in the desert, while the “Hers” is Sarah Jessica Parker’s big-budget Swarovski-and-sandals epic in the desert, Sex & the City 2. What have they got in common? Well they’re both based off video games (well, not really) where the main protagonist bounces around a lot and stops time by unsheathing lots of large phalluses in the presence of many hirsute men. The real test will be for gay men this weekend, torn between stiff cocktails and… well, Jake Gyllenhaal’s stiff something-or-other.

Reviews have been much kinder to Persia than they have been to HBO’s fabulous foursome’s part two. Is it just because ladies aren’t allowed their spectacular fluff like the boys are, or is there something rotten in the Oil of Olay? Discuss.

Also opening this weekend is George Romero’s sixth zombie film, Survival of the Dead, this time about warring clans on an island a la the Hatfields and the McCoys, and the zombies that come between them. The film’s been available On Demand for awhile now so plenty of people have seen it – including myself! I saw it two weeks ago and completely forgot that fact until his precise moment, so that ought to tell you something of its worth. It’s kinda forgettable. And boring. Really boring. Still, Romero has a lifetime pass from me to keep on keepin’ on. He is more or less responsible for inventing a modern monster all his own (give or take some Richard Matheson), and that gives you the leverage to suck as much as you want forever, from where I stand. Brains!

Opening in limited release is Micmacs à tire-larigot, the new film from the director ofAmelie, so if you liked Amelie or saw Amelie then you can presumably know what to expect… more of Amelie. Wacky French whimsy ahoy!

Last week’s box office saw Shrek 4 make 70 million dollars and still be considered a disappointment, and the SNL skit-to-movie MacGruber make a big ol’ bellyflop and poop in the pool at the same time. Let’s hope that at least the awesome Kristen Wiig can wash the stink off and put it behind her. At least until they make Dooneese: The Movie.

It was announced yesterday that Julia Roberts’ niece, Emma Roberts, has landed a plum role in Scream 4. The character might even end up being the focus for a new trilogy of films, they whisper. I fear for my beloved Sidney Prescott’s chances more by the day.

And in weekly remake news – it’s more like hourly at this point – somebody’s thinking about remaking Soapdish, which is about as close to heresy as you can get without slapping God with one of those brick-in-a-leather-glove combos like Bugs Bunny was always doing. This will not stand! Somebody pick up the rock Cathy Moriarty’s been hiding under and sic her on these jokers, please.

Be sure to check out Jason's hilarious blog: http://mynewplaidpants.blogspot.com  

Here's Beehive's Sex and the City 2 review http://www.celebritybeehive.com/blog/sex-and-the-city-2-the-movie-that-should-have-never-been-made-sorry.html