By Jason Adams, MyNewPlaidPants 

Happy 2013, people. And welcome to the January doldrums. There’s nothing much coming out this weekend (save two little flicks that we’ll get to in a second) – this is the time of year when all of the Oscar contenders, released on the coasts around the holidays, start to make their way to more and more screens and everyone not in New York or LA can see what we people in New York and LA have been yammering about. Things like Gus Van Sant’s Promised Land, that fracking thing with Matt Damon, and The Impossible, that tsunami drama with Naomi Watts and Ewan McGregor, are hitting hundreds of more screens, and the Bin Laden-killing thriller Zero Dark Thirty is going from 5 theaters to 60, so a few more people can see that Best Picture contender too. Meanwhile people seem to be having a grand ol’ time just watching holiday faves The Hobbit, Django Unchained, and Les Miserables - nothing says Christmas like a castration and a hooker selling her hair, after all.

Trying to rustle up some cheap genre bucks in the middle of this quality movie glut is the latest Leatherface frolic, called Texas Chainsaw 3D. I guess nobody knows how to spell the word Massacre now so why bother? The “massacre” is implied, for sure. Getting hacked to bits this time are a bunch of people whose names I’m not going to take the time to write about because surely there are better ways for all of us to spend our time. Here I will tell you a joke instead. Knock knock. Who’s there? Tobe Hooper. Tobe Hooper who? Tobe Hooper or not Tobe Hooper, that is the question.

The other movie out this weekend is called A Dark Truth, and the most exciting thing about it is it’s from the director of Food of the Gods II. I’ve never even seen Food of the Gods II, but I have seen the first Food of the Gods (giant rooster!) and that carries enough delight to spill over sight unseen. A Dark Truth doesn’t sound like it has any giant roosters though – just Eva Longoria playing some kind of powerful political activist. You tell me which sounds more believable? My money’s on the giant rooster. And yes, this is coming from someone who watched her speak at the Democratic National Convention. Stick to your day job, Eva. Especially when it’s keeping the director of Food of the Gods II employed! Food of the Gods III isn’t going to finance itself!

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