Fashion is a cutthroat world and it doesn't get any more dangerous than the world of Naomi Campbell. We, at the Beehive have a love/hate relationship with The Beast (Ms Campbell). One, because let's face it, she is fierce, there's no doubt about that -- Naomi will be the first to admit that she is better than you. Us mortals quake in our sleep at the mere thought of her. 

But seriously, The Beast is more than that, she is a Class-A bitch, who is remarkably unstoppable!!! Her skill to survive makes the Ebola virus pale in comparison. She's taken on the Man, an international war crimes tribunal, the Blood Diamond dude, and has come out smiling. So unless you want to be smote down by The Beast, we suggest you brush up on your survival skills. Therefore, we've put together a simple little thing called The "HOW TO SURVIVE MEETING NAOMI CAMPBELL" Guidebook. I would pay attention if I were you...

1. DO NOT make eye contact with The Beast. Her looks can literally kill. Your eyes will spontaneously combust.

2. ALWAYS SMILE really big -- even if you're scared shitless. DO NOT STOP smiling or she'll become suspicious and look for stuff to start lobbing.

3. ALWAYS give The Beast compliments. She loves being told how beautiful she is, how great her dancing is (see pic), but her favorite compliment is being told how nice she is because it's the furthest from the truth.

4. DO NOT turn your back on The Beast, she pounces faster than drag queens at a Louboutin sale. A faraway gaze is the best tactic.

5. ALWAYS carry a mirror with you at all times. If you don't have a mirror, a straw and some illegal white powder may do -- allegedly...I'm just sayin'...she can give it to Kate Moss.

6. You must carry an extra black eye-liner with you at all times just in case Naomi feels like sporting her trademark dookie-lined lips.

7. DO NOT take her picture.  I repeat, do not take her picture.  Unless you are a paid photographer or a tipped off paparazzo, this will set off an attack worse than you could ever imagine.

8.DO NOT TOUCH THE WEAVE -- EVER!!! THAT MEANS EVEERRRR!!! We shouldn't have to mention what could happen here.

9.  If she starts to get pissed -- you'll know because her head will start rotating, do not make eye contact and slowly back away while whispering "You are superior. I am nothing."  This may also work in case of a bear attack...if you should ever be in the Yukon. 

10. And lastly, if you should be so stupid as to mistakenly touch her weave and she attacks, for Pete's sake, fight back!!!  Use anything handy.....a nail file, a Cristal champagne bottle, her Louboutin heel, rip out strands of said weave and strangle her with it, yell "paparazzi!" to distract her (that actually might work), and then run like hell!  

Take heed, mortals! You've been warned!!!

Photo: Getty Images

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